My wife and I often talk about what it means to be "church nice". Church Nice is when you decide to sacrifice your own wants and desires for the sake of others. It is an ingrained choice that church culture has morphed from the sacrifices of Jesus and it is 100% drama. When we continually choose to over adapt for others we are externally perceived as wishy-washy in decision making, lacking in consistent vision, and passively weak as leaders. Internally this habit begins to justify a position that I can never be enough for my church, family, and others. If not careful "church nice" will lead to pastors who lack assertiveness and willingness to make tough choices and congregations who are quick to attack and blame instead of own their own potency.
Drama is created when we find ourselves believing the myth of conditional "OK'ness". The alternative is Compassionate Conflict.....and it is the way of Jesus. Through Jesus God chose to be open with humanity expressing God's character fully incarnate. Through Jesus God met people as they were, honored each individuals power, and offered grace for life made new. Through Jesus God fulfilled the commitment to love us even when our love fails all the way to the very end. The result of God's compassionate conflict through Jesus Christ offers a creative and life giving alternative to drama.
The reality of ministry is that every conversation, committee meeting, and sermon is an opportunity to choose conflict or choose drama. Choosing conflict is the compassionate choice. The intuitive choice is to be "Church Nice" and over adapt so feelings aren't hurt, and "Church Nice" creates win/lose problems that lead to long term resentment and lack of creativity. The skills taught in Process Communication Model (PCM) and Leading Out of Drama (LOD) give you the confidence to ask for what you want, offer your resources, honor others ideas, and follow through with appropriate accountability.
With PCM and LOD you can form a long term self care plan that will make you aware of your own triggers and psychological needs. You will gain real minute by minute techniques to stay in compassion and finally put an end to "Church Nice".
Join me on a crusade to end "Church Nice" and sign up for a class today.