Often people will ask me what makes PCM and/or LOD worthwhile. I have several answers, of course, and lately one has been rising to the top.
Because of PCM and LOD I don't get hooked by other people's drama.
I am a sensitive guy, and I consider that one of my strengths. I also know that because of my sensitivity it is natural for me to internalize the distress of others and find ways to make their stuff about me. About 85% of the population tends to do the same. We say things like...
Well, at least I tried to make it work. What more could I have done?
Only if I would have planned better I could have escaped this imperfection.
It seems like their upset by way things are going, but I don't know what the next step is.
I should have done more please them.
My personal favorites are avoiding responsibility by trying just hard enough to not get the job done followed by a creeping desire to please others even at the sake of my own happiness. When I experience someone who is unhappy, critical, or angry (especially angry) I can spend days dwelling on what I did to make them so upset.
PCM and LOD filled me in on a secret.....IT ISN'T ABOUT ME!
I didn't "make" them anything. Emotions are a deeply internal experience and we each are responsible for recognizing and expressing our own emotions and none others. In the same way I can't "make" others feel good or bad; they can't "make" me feel good or bad. These are choices that we get to make. The ability to navigate these emotions is a skill set and tools like PCM and LOD help exercise that skill and grow it's ability.
So, if you want to avoid getting hooked by drama here are three skills PCM and LOD taught me that you can use too.
1. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
First I name for myself what emotions I am experiencing and then remind myself, "I can choose to feel this or not. I cannot make others feel good or bad." An internal check on where I am at keeps me from diving into the familiar drama habits I've formed. In becoming open to self I chose my own potency moving forward.
2. Speak Your Truth.
For long periods of my life I chose to not speak my truth for fear of how it would "make" others feel. Armed with PCM and LOD I now can frame my truth in a drama-free, distress-free way. Because I can speak my truth in a healthy way I can be confident that drama or distress is not about me, and I have tools to respond with invitations to exit drama and move toward compassion.
3. Recovery takes Intention.
Finally, I have learned how to recover when I do get caught. The beauty of our always on technology driven world is that there are endless mulligans when it comes to communication. I've made a practice of sending emails that say things like, "Yesterday during our conversation I wish I would have said...." Another key part of recovery is self care. After experiencing negative conflict I am way more likely to recover if I can spend time playing guitar or banjo for an hour. That "me" time is not selfish, it is self-full.
If you'd like to gain some tools to avoid the drama hooks in your life sign up for a class today. There are public courses listed here and if you have 6 or more we can schedule a private course anytime.